I wear these ridiculous goggles when I'm dicing onions because onions really mess me up...seriously. I can dice a single onion and be red eyed and puffy for hours. I can enter a room where onions have been chopped and get wrecked. My neighbors practically have to call and warn me when they've got onions in their recipes. But the good news is, these goggles have totally fixed the problem. I wear them and people laugh at me, but I don't get a bleary eyed, mascara tracked, blotchy face anymore. These ridiculous goggles have become an essential tool for me in the kitchen.
Now... if I could just find a pair of goggles to wear that would protect me from all the other things in my life that regularly move me to tears...THAT would be a neat trick. I love my onion goggles. I need tired goggles! Not the kind of tired that I get from not sleeping, but the kind of tired that makes me cry over changing the same baby 6 times in one hour because she has the runs, or the kind of tired that makes me cry when I'm trying to unload the dishwasher and I drop the same spoon 4 times and pick up the same spoon 4 times while trying to take it from the basket to the drawer. Goggles to put on when being tired moves me to frustrated tears because I get Mona bundled against the cold weather in her hat, coat and mittens and in the time it takes to run upstairs and grab a pair of socks for the shoeless one, Mona removes every stitch of clothing on her body because "Mom, I had an itch on my butt." Can I get some goggles for that? Please.
Having a pair of goggles to keep me from crying would make it easier for me to do these things and countless others. Like the shield that protects my eyes so I can safely wield a knife, sometimes I think I need goggles to protect me from my life. Because like the onions I have no plan to stop cooking with, these wearisome things in my life are going to keep coming up. Goggles. Stylish, pink, padded with foam for comfort and always within reach when I'm about to do something that I know will leave me red eyed and puffy for hours...ya know, like going to the grocery store with three children.