Wednesday, August 4, 2010

Where Shall I Place Blame?

In the grand event that is my life.  At the feast of every moment in time.

Where shall I place Blame?

At the head of the table?  At the focus?  Directing the conversation.  Steering the mood.

Where shall I place Blame?

Squeezed onto the bench next to me?  Forced into a synchronized dance as we move through our meal.  Or waging a battle over left and right as I cut into my meat and Blame bumps my elbow every time, knocking me away from my pleasure.

Where shall I place Blame?  At the kids table?  Tempting.  Especially these days.

I was slamming around the house this morning raging to place Blame for the way my children were screaming at each other.  Blame for the puppy poop that appeared on my living room rug during the 9.8 seconds that I stepped away to use the toilet myself.  Blame for my missing cell phone.  For my rush to get an hour's worth of errands completed in 30 minutes.  For the humidity that made my shower a waste.  For the peanut butter toast that landed sticky side down of course on my skirt after I got dressed for work. 

Where should I place Blame?  How important was it that I cater to this urge and serve it up my full attention?  I was so angry.  I. Was. So. Angry.  I was inclined to invite Blame to feast with me today.  To place Blame carefully and with precise intent.

Truth?  It would not have changed the fact that my children were uncharacteristically ill behaved and this rare display was, in fact, short lived.  It would not have changed the fact that the little dog is still be only 12 weeks old and nowhere near house-trained.   And it might have destroyed the dear exchange I had with my Little Bit later in the day where she sang "Happy Birthday" to me and delivered a gift bag that she had wrapped herself, complete with pink tissue paper and a smashed bow, containing my cell phone that she had been saving for just the right time.  She likes to give presents when people are having a bad day.  As it turns out, I'm lucky today was my bad day.

When Blame shows up shall I turn it away at the door and say Not today,No thank you,We're going to go ahead without you,You're too late?  Turns out, I had no place for Blame today.

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