Re-Cycle Built for Two!

My Dear Love, I beg, hold your doubts to few.

I'm half crazy, but that you already knew.

It once was a stylish carriage,

And it seeks a choice remarriage.

It screams defeat.  And has no seat,

But with love could improve our view.

Nancy.  Nancy?  Now is my answer due?

You're half crazy.  Love of my heart, it's true.

It's charm I cannot disparage.

And it won't destroy our marriage.

For I'll be thrilled, once it is filled.

And this bicycle's made anew.

Too Much.

I'm perched half-off my chair today and only half interested in what I'm doing.  Making a "kindof" effort at collecting some thoughts because I'm distracted by a Matterhorn sized pile of laundry, marginal efforts to clean up from one set of company so I can make room for the next round of company, preparations for the departure of the Father (who will be gone for a month...sigh), too much caffeine, too much to say, too much to do...too much.  Just in the time it took me to whack out this paragraph, the dryer buzzed, the microwave beeped and the doorbell rang...distracted.

My big kid is at Gramma's house this week so I'm down to two kids for the next few days...I don't know if it's helping.  It feels weird.  The dynamic is wrong.  The little girls keep looking for her.  One less kid means I have more time right?  Hmm...I don't know how to do 2 kids anymore.  I'm wired for 3.  Regularly I find that 3 is too much.  But this week, only 2 is not enough.  Weird.

I just noticed that today is the summer solstice.  I feel like all the daylight today will be wasted by the fact that I have nothing planned.  Nothing I have to do.  Too much daylight and not enough to fill it.  For the last few mornings in a row I have found myself taking several seconds to even remember what day it is...distracted by too much "nothing to do."

Halfway gone.  Halfway back.  Halfway there.  Meh.  

Last week I vacationed on The Edge.  No, not The Verge...nobody goes there on purpose.  My Middle kid and I went to The Edge (palm trees, movie stars, multiple places to get frozen yogurt in a single city block) for a birthday trip and it was so thoroughly a vacation from my life that I have not recovered.  I can't seem to remember how to assemble the correct ingredients for dinner, pack a diaper in my purse when I walk out the door, go to sleep at a responsible hour...Our host for the week has had such eloquent things to say about the whole visit.  Read him here, and here, and here...and I find myself buried under a pile of great material to write about and can't get anything worked out to say.

Writer's block?  Nope.  I think too much is my problem this week.

If. Then.

If I had worlds of riches...it would still be true that the most important things in my life are priceless.

If I really could shop 'til I dropped...it would still be true that the best things in my life are free.

If I could travel faster than the speed of light...it would still be true that only careful, baby steps move me closer to where I want to be.

If my vision could see through walls...it would still be true that building them keeps people from seeing me.

If I was the luckiest person alive...it would still be true that I'm lucky just to be alive.

If I could hear every sound all at once...it would still be true that I should always listen to my heart.

If knew everything there was to know...it would still be true that I have alot to learn.

If I were the strongest person in the world...it would still be true that there are things I wouldn't lift a finger for.

If I could fly so high my fingers would touch the moon...it would still be true that I am highest when I'm grounded.

If I could reach my arms wider than wide...it would still be true that I'd want to wrap myself around their tiny little fingers.

If I had all the time in the world...it would still be true that the only moment that matters is right now.  This time.  This moment.

If I could do a million things all at once...it would still be true that the single most important thing I'm ever doing, is being.