Wednesday, April 21, 2010

The Long View in the Short Term

Why does it seem like we have to finishing becoming what we are before we can look back and see what we've become?  Why aren't the crossroads marked on the front end?  Why do they only appear in the rear view mirror?  Objects in mirror may very well be closer than they appear and that silly trick of the mirror extends to us the long view, but it still can't make those objects appear out in front of us where we can get at them. 

Is it what I do that makes me who I am?  Maybe that's part of it.  Is it what I surround myself with that shows people who I am?  Sometimes, but that's just a collection of things.  Things, change.  With a fresh coat of paint or a new address, or the latest acquisition.  They're things.  Is it how I act that makes me who I am?  Certainly that's part of it.  People have said of me that I throw great parties and I'm so good at being around people.  Partly true.  I don't always love talking up the crowd, what I love is a party.  That laughing, loud, work the crowd, pass the nuts, fill your glass display is certainly not for show, I love a great party but that's not the same girl who stands in line at the food store and intentionally avoids eye contact with you because really all she wants to do is buy her yogurt and get the hell out of there.

I need to think more about my collections.  Of things.  Of people...because they are certainly things we collect as well.  Some are worth holding on to and others...not so much.  

Why am I old enough to need my questions answered but feel my childish pout coming on when you tell me I'm too young to really understand that I have to find the answers myself?  meh.

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