If You Invited Me for Coffee Today...

I'd tell you I am so in need of this caffeine because I haven't been sleeping.  I don't know why really.  I'm not extraordinarily stressed.  I have things on my mind, but not that many things.  I'm busy, but not that busy.  You'd  roll your eyes and say, "Right Nanc. Whatever. This week you broke a dish, sliced off the tip of your finger and told your husband you were too busy for yoga."  I think I'm just moving too fast and I'm tired.  I just need to go to bed earlier.  Really.

I'd ask you if you'd heard the song "Great Escape" on Pat Monahan's solo album.  And you'd roll your eyes and say, "Really?  Don't you ever listen to anything but Train?"  And I'd explain that yes.  I do.  And in fact I'd added several new artists to my iTunes library over the holiday, but I always return to my favorites and his lyrics reach right into my soul.  He sings, "I need you.  Everybody needs someone like you.  If you need me too, you would be the only thing that I'd take, on my great escape."  Great love story.  Really.

I'd own up to the feelings of technological superiority that I have been having for the last 3 weeks.  That man I love gave me an iPad for Christmas and I love it.  It's an amazing toy disguised as the most amazing tool I've ever held in my hands.  I'd tell you I use it for my calendar, and my addresses, for reading the news, for filing my recipes, blah, blah, blah...I'm smug.  I love this thing.  Really. 

I'd tell you I'm so glad we're having coffee and not a glass of wine.  Don't misunderstand, I still love my wine, but I there were too many cocktail parties in the final days of 2010 and I'm taking a break from the wine for awhile.  But then you'd look askance at me and say, "Really?"  And I'd say, no not really, but I am partied out for awhile.  For me...that's huge.  Really.

I'd admit that I brought a little more of 2010 into 2011 than I had planned...like about 10 pounds more than I'd planned.  That's a tough one for me because I have this job where I stand up in front of a group of people every week and talk about healthy lifestyles.  People who are on an epic journey of weight loss and behavior change.  People, who frankly, inspire me in a way they cannot ever understand.  But I'm working on it.  And they're helping me as much as they tell me I'm helping them.  That's a tough one for me to admit.  Really. 

I'd confess to you that I'm bracing for the next few months when the Father traipses across the globe nearly every weekend and leaves me alone with the girls, the house, the dogs, the falling snow that needs to be shoveled, the groceries that need to be shopped for, the lot of it.  And there is a LOT of it.  It would be a confession because most of the time I want you to think I don't mind doing it alone.  I'm certainly capable, but I do mind.  I mind alot.  He does these extra jobs so I don't have to have a full time job, and the kids don't have to be in daycare and we have money for things like vacations and dancing lessons and new bicycles.  So I'm grateful.  But, I do mind.  Really. 

I'd thank you again and again for inviting me.  For coming up with the idea all by yourself and asking me if it was something I'd like to do.  And not asking me to plan anything, or decide where we were going or what we should eat or whether or not we should bring our kids.  I'd thank you for telling me where to be this morning, because I love being the hostess and planning the event, but sometimes I want to just show up.  Really.

I'd talk to you about TheMiddleBit, which I don't usually do.  Somehow it feels strange to talk out loud about things I write.  I can't really put my finger on why, but there it is.  I'd tell you I don't know what my pattern is going to be for 2011.  I find my inspiration arriving in waves these days.  Weeks with no time and no ideas.  Hours, usually between 2am and 4am, with more ideas than I have time or energy for.  Things I want to write about that are real.  Really real.  Sometimes more real than I think anyone would have any interest in reading about.  Explaining.  Complaining.  A fine line divides them for sure.  Polished?  Sometimes.  But not so much that my raw thoughts are no longer visible.  There's so much there to say, just under the surface.  I haven't been writing, but I've been thinking.  Really.

I'd reveal that I have been checking the stat counter on my blog (that little bit of computer spyware that tells me how many people visit my blog every day) and that I can't believe people actually check in repeatedly.  I actually have readers.  I started this blog over a year ago to give myself a place to put my thoughts.  Sometimes what lands on the blog just spills right out of my heart, often it's inspired by what I'm thinking, regularly it's something I think just needs to be written about.  But I can't believe people actually read it.  I love it, but I can't believe it.  Really.


I'd tell you all of this if you had invited me for coffee today. 

Now I'm off to write my blog.