Hold. Tie. Pull.

Friendship bracelets.  The official accessory of girlhood summer.  My 7 year old recieved her first one a few weeks ago.  "Mom!  This is so amazing!  Look what K made me!  Mom!  She made it!  For me!"  Her mouth actually hung open for a few seconds with surprise when I told her that I could teach her how to make them for her friends too.

I had to reach deep into my memory, and my craft bin of junk, to find the things required to fashion a bracelet of string.  Amazingly, I was able to produce a few tangled bundles, not in the colors she would have chosen as she so eloquently informed me, oh well... and we began our first attempt.

She wanted to watch me do the first few knots.  I talked her through what I was doing.  Choose your strands, even ones that you might not think go together sometimes end up looking wonderful.  Get them all lined up and tie a good knot, you don't want them to come apart once you get started.  You've got to anchor your knot down to something firm, so you can keep a good hold on it while you are working.  Then you start slowly, one knot at a time, the tiny loops start to form a stripe, and you'll get better at it as you go along.  Count as you go, but don't worry if you forget, you can always look back at what you have and know where you are.  Hold tight to those middle strands, never let those go, they are what keep it all together.  Hold, tie, pull.  Hold, tie, pull.  Hold, tie, pull.

She only let me do about 25 knots before she was itching to take over.  I handed over the tangle of threads and watched her talk it through.  "Knot.  Pin.  One knot at a time.  Count one, two, three, four.  Hold tight to my main strands.  Look Mom!  I'm doing it!  This is so simple!"

Yes, Love.  It's all so very simple if we let it be.

She has moved on from the leftover threads in the art bin.  She has been to the craft store with her piggy bank money to buy dazzling summer colors and 10 shades of pink.  She has upgraded from simple knots and just a few strands to fancy twists and fists full of coordinating hues, but the basic steps are still working for her.

Choose carefully and tie a good knot, you don't want your pieces to come apart once you get started.  Anchor yourself down to something and keep a good hold.  Start slowly, you'll get better as you go, but you can always look back and know where you are.  Hold tight to those middle bits, they are what keep it together.

The basic steps still work for all of us.

Anxiety at the Water's Edge

She stood there.  Panicked.  At the edge of the water.  It was a hot day, very hot.  Her sisters had run in ahead of her with much screaming and splashing.  Right in to the cool water.  And she had run right up to the edge and stopped.  Because all she saw was brown water.  And floating bits of forest.  And she couldn't see the bottom.  And she began to fall apart.  Mom, what else is in there?  Mom, what are those brown things?  Mom, what if I step on something?  Mom, I don't like this...

To be fair, this child does a lot of swimming in pools, where the water is chlorinated and the only floating things are inflatable toys.  This lake was brown.  The bottom was covered with all sorts of unknown things.  There were large mouthed creatures, other than her two sisters, swimming around in its murky depths.  And it was very, very scary.  She decided quickly, that getting in the water was not something she had any intention of doing.

I was unbelievably frustrated on the hot day when it happened.  This was the water that was going to keep us cool on the hot summer days and she was not going to participate.  This was our lake vacation and she was boycotting the lake.  In hindsight, I am able to see it a bit differently.

We are not all the kind of people that can jump right in to something brand new and completely unknown.  Caution isn't always a bad thing.  Sometimes being up high, out of the water, where you can see where you are going and steer clear of what's coming at you is the perfect place to be.

Notice to Vacate

I have vacated my life; taken leave of my to-do list; turned my back on my duties; stepped away from my resposibilities.  I am voiding bedtimes, relaxing normal nutrition restrictions and giving the gramma and grampa the opportunity to do the lion's share of the swing pushing, face wiping, book reading and ball throwing.  In other words, I am on vacation.  I am no longer in The Middle and find myself waking everyday, and for the next 11 days, closer to the edge.  I am in a magical place where calla lillies grow in the yard, around every corner is a view of the lake, and afternoon napping is not just for toddlers.  It is warm, the bills in the mailbox aren't mine, the job of planning meals is on somebody else's plate, and the floors aren't mine to sweep.  It is wonderful.

I have a lot of busy things going on in my real life these days.  You might have heard, I've written a book, and not only am I the author, but I am also the VP of advertising, the head of the marketing and promotion department, the distribution director and the manager of the central region shipping division.  I have big plans to return to the hustle bustle of shameless self promotion in a few days...but as I've already stated...this week, I am vacating.

I am not totally gone.  I will still continue to participate in important things like parenting, recycling, catching up on Friday Night Lights in an effort to free up some space on the DVR and making sure there are no half empty bottles of wine going to waste.  Some of us are never completely free of to-do lists...sigh.

I have big plans to do things like eat local produce, fall asleep in the hammock, watch the birds on the feeder and bake bread.  I will keep you posted on my progress, but if you are in desperate need of something to read during the longer than usual stretches between posts on theMiddleBit then please allow me to direct to you this lovely little tome that you can hold in your very own hands.  You could drop it into your purse for some light reading at the pool.  You could leave it out on your coffee table or put it on the corner of your desk, so in the middle bit of your busy day, you could open it up, to the middle of course, and read a couple of pages to take your mind off your busy day. 

To vacate...just a bit.

A Little Help for My Friend

Friends are such a blessing.  My friends are such a blessing to me.  If I pause for just an instant in themiddlebit of a busy moment I can call to mind so many moments...with a friend.  So many events.  So many emotions.  So many friends.  Girlish frustration and giggling about being made to eat birthday cake with chopsticks; barefoot tennis and hotel room hijinxs that made me laugh so hard I nearly wet my pants; sitting in a college apartment hearing the news of my mother's breast cancer over the phone; falling in love; garage sales and birthday parties and thrift stores and roller coasters and baby girls.  In my mind I can look to the left and the right and see my friends.  And there I am.  In the middle.

I have celebrated with them.  Cleaned up with them.  Laughed and cried with them.  Climbed mountains and slogged through the mud.  And when they call out, "I need some help."  I jump up and run over.  It's what I do.  It's part of what makes me who I am.

Last February, my dear friend Maria called out, "Help."  She called out to her friends with the news she was in desperate need of us.  Of help.  She called out to tell us that all was not fine.  That she had laundry to do and errands to run and two young daughters to mother and dinner to prepare and a husband who was busy...and in the middle of all of that...she had just been diagnosed with lung cancer.  Lung cancer.  In her 40's.  She called out, "Help."

She needed meals prepared and a few loads of laundry done.  She needed someone to pick her kids up from school and someone else to keep her girls while she spent hours on the phone arranging medication and having x-rays and scans and endless visits with doctors.  And I wanted to be one of the friends that could rush right over and help.

But I live in the Middle.  And she lives 1,500 miles away.  And I was paralyzed.  I wanted to bring her family a meal while she was in the hospital.  And scoop up those girls.  And fold laundry.  And run to the drugstore.  I wanted to jump right into the middle of it all and help.  But I couldn't...or so I thought.

Maria is incredibly blessed by her friends too.  She had people to her left and to her right that could do those things for her.  She was in the middle of the fight of her life, but she had her people all around her.  They came.  They washed and cooked and scooped and hugged and supported and drove and sat quietly with her while she drank tea...and so I thought...

What can I do?  What can I do?  Maria once said to me, "Lady!  You should write a book!  I would totally buy your book!  And then I'd buy a bunch more copies for all of my girlfriends."  And I laughed her off...heh, I could never write a book...or so I thought.  

But that's just what I've done.  I've written a book about all of the things that happen in the middle.  About the distance from healthy to cured.  About the space where accidents happen and recoveries begin.  About the tiny miracles that can be seen in the chaos and the joys that you miss if you're not looking for them.  About the middle bit.

I have collected and revised all of my most favorite essays from the first years of this blog.  And my sister and some of my friends have taken magnificent photographs to accompany my words.  And now you can buy a copy of it for yourself and know that 100% of the profits from the sale of this book will be donated to Maria's fight.

You won't need to rush out and look for it in your local bookstore because I have done this very modern thing called "self publish" which means you can just follow the link below and order yourself a copy.  It takes just over a week and you'll be able to hold it in your hands and make it part of your collection.

Maria is a treasure in my collection of friends.  I am blessed by her.  And this is the thing I could do when she called out...help.

http://www.blurb.com/bookstore/detail/2282604

Give Us This Day...The Middle Bit

Because the middle bit is the meaty part. The middle bit is the surprise filling, the good part. The middle bit is the stuff on your inside that holds together your outside...now we're getting to it.

When it starts to feel like everyone around me is an idiot, it usually means it is time for me to a little bit of work on myself.  On my insides.  People are going to do what they do, say what they say, be how they are...and when I'm taking care of myself, when I'm making sure my needs are met, then I am much better at letting it roll.  When I get a handle on my insides it is easier for me to manage what I show on the outside.

Change the insides.  Change the middle bit.  I have that power.

Homemade Hot Pockets

A fabulous snack.  A totally portable party bite.  The easiest alternative to store bought pocket sandwiches that I have ever seen!  The dough baked around these Korean spiced sandwich pockets is a slightly sweet, fluffy bread that compliments the spicy filling suggested here OR you could put your own filling inside these rolls.  We made them with pizza sauce, mozzarella and pepperoni once.  I have plans to try spicy sausage and a combination of cheeses.  The 7 year old wants to put apples and cinnamon in them sometime.  Change the insides.  Change the middle bit.  You have that power.  This recipe is so simple.


Filling:
1/2 cup chopped scallions
1/4 cup soy sauce
1 tablespoon sesame seeds
1 tablespoon sesame oil
1 tablespoon cooking sherry
2 teaspoons sugar
1/4 teaspoon black pepper
1/4 teaspoon fresh ginger
1/4 teaspoon minced garlic
1/8 teaspoon cayenne pepper
1/2 pound ground turkey
Cooking spray
2 cups thinly sliced green cabbage

Dough:
4 cups all purpose flour
2 tablespoons baking powder
1/2 teaspoon salt
1 1/3 cups water
1/4 cup honey
2 tablespoons canola oil
1 tablespoon water
1 large egg white, lightly beaten
1 tablespoon sesame seeds

1.  To prepare the filling. combine the first 11 ingredients, scallions through turkey, in a large bowl.  Heat a nonstick skillet over medium high heat.  Coat pan with cooking spray; add mixture to pan; cook 10 minutes or until done, stirring occasionally.  Stir in the cabbage and cook until tender, about 5 minutes.  Remove from heat and cool the mixture so it is not too hot to handle when it's time to assemble the buns.  You could make the filling up to a day ahead and refrigerate until you are ready to bake the buns.  Or if you're going to use some other filling, obviously you would skip this part...duh.

2.  Preheat the oven to 375 degrees.

3.  To prepare the dough, combine flour, baking soda and salt in a large bowl and stir with a whisk.  In a separate bowl, whisk together the 1 1/3 cups of water, honey and canola oil.  Add the water mixture to the flour mixture and stir until a soft dough forms.  Turn dough out onto a lightly floured surface and knead until smooth (about 5 minutes).  Kneading this dough is not nearly as aerobic as some yeast breads.  It is light and easy to work with.  You may need to add additional flour during the kneading to prevent it from sticking to you and your surface.  After kneading, leave the dough on the counter, cover with a clean kitchen towel and let it rest for 5 minutes or so.

4.  Flour your surface again, and sprinkle more flour on top of your dough, then roll it out into a rectangle roughly 16 inches by 12 inches.  Cut the dough into 12 squares, or squarish pieces, and while you work with one piece at a time, throw that clean kitchen towel over the rest of the pieces to prevent them from drying out.  Spoon 1/4 cup of filling mixture into the center of the dough square.  Put some water in a small dish and use it to dip your fingers in and moisten the edges of the dough square.  Bring the corners up so the opposite corners meet in the center as you fold up the dough pillows.  Pinch the seams together all the way to the edges using extra water to make them sticky.  Place the filled dough balls, seam side down, on a parchment lined baking sheet.  

5.  Combine the last tablespoon of water and egg white in a small bowl and lightly beat with a whisk.  Brush the top of each dough ball with mixture and sprinkle with sesame seeds.  Omit this step if you are using an alternate filling.  Bake at 375 degrees for 25 minutes or until the rolls are lightly browned.  If your filling is cold from the fridge, you may need to extend the cooking time slightly.  Remove from oven and cool on a wire rack for a few minutes before grabbing one and running away with it!

Give Us This Day...EFing Bread

Let me begin by saying I LOVE GARAGE SALES!  I love going to them.  I love hosting them.  I love helping other people with them.  I love the idea that you can spend a couple of days outside in the nice weather, sit on your butt, take people's money and end up with less stuff in your house.  I am not interested in your cost benefit analysis of how I spend hours and hours pricing, sorting, folding, hauling, unpacking, and sale-ing; how garage sales are a haven for creepy people and thieves; how the whole thing is a dirty disgusting mess and how it's not worth the effort.  For me, it's fun.  And I'm good at it.  That being said...

I had a garage sale on Friday afternoon of last week.  In comparison to every other garage sale I have had in the past, and there have been many, this most recent one, was a total failure.  Early in the week the weather reports were calling for rain, so I almost didn't even have the sale.  Friday morning, when I woke up and the sun was shining, I threw things together quickly, raced around putting stickers on stuff, hauled my tables out of storage and began at 2pm.  I committed a cardinal garage sale sin and relied on the neighbor's signs and newspaper ad.  She was having a sale up the street and all her traffic had to drive right by my loaded yard...many folks were curious and stopped.  Yay for me!

I only ran it for 3 hours because at 5pm it got cold, the traffic slowed down, the drizzle started and I was ready for a glass of wine.  Saturday morning was really cold and rainy so instead of opening the sale again, I hid in the garage and packed up the leftovers for donation.  Fail.  Or so I thought.

Trying to move forward from what seemed like a waste of time, the wet, cold Saturday inspired my bread choice for this week.  It is also possible that I needed something to cheer me up after my garage sale failure, and my mind went directly to chocolate.  Babka.  Mmmmmmmm.  Getting screams of joy from my people when I asked them if they'd like a little babka after their lunch, I began my preparations.  I didn't even have to go to the store for ingredients...love my well stocked pantry!  Mix.  Knead.  Rise.  Sprinkle.  Bake.  Mmmmm, smells like chocolate.  Ack!  What's that burning smell?  Aaaaahhhhh!  The babka is getting too brown!  Fail.  Or so I thought.

Now.  People.  I ask you.  Does this look like a bread failure to you?

Yeah.  Didn't think so.  It was totally yummy.  Completely edible.  And although compared to all the other times I have made babka, and there have been many, this one was not as successful, it was certainly not a total failure.  It was, what I like to call, an edible failure.  An EF.  Which made our rainy Saturday afternoon treat, an overly browned blob off "EFing" babka.

I am capable of producing spectacular bread.  This time...it was just really good.  I am also capable of hosting spectacular garage sales.  This one was not so good.  But I did end up with more cash and less crap.

I think it's about setting your expectations.  And adjusting your reactions.

Just because it wasn't perfect.  Just because it wasn't as good as you're capable of.  Just because it wasn't as good as every other time you've ever done it or as good as the next time you try it...doesn't make it a failure.




Chocolate Babka

This is more treat than bread, I can't fathom what kind of meal it could accompany, and it never ever provides any leftovers.  It is quickly gobbled up by eaters who start to hover at about 20 minutes into the baking time because the whole house starts to smell like bready chocolate heaven.  You could buy 4 oz. of actual bakers chocolate and chop it for the filling, but I have discovered that semi sweet chocolate chips work just as well, and take way less effort.  Give yourself at least 3 hours for this recipe.

Dough:
1 teaspoon sugar
2 1/2 teaspoons active dry yeast
3/4 cup warm milk, any % will work
6 tablespoons sugar
1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract
1/4 teaspoon salt
1 large egg yolk, lightly beaten
1 2/3 cups all purpose flour, divided, plus more for kneading
1 1/4 cups bread flour
5 tablespoons butter, cut in small pieces and softened
Cooking spray

Filling:
1/2 cup sugar
3 tablespoons unsweetened cocoa
1/2 teaspoon cinnamon
1/4 teaspoon salt
1/2 cup semisweet chocolate chips

Streusel:
2 tablespoons powdered sugar
1 tablespoon all purpose flour
1 tablespoon butter, softened

• 1.  In a medium bowl, combine 1 teaspoon sugar with yeast.  Pour warm milk over mixture and let sit for 5 minutes until it gets foamy.  Stir in the additional 6 tablespoons of sugar, vanilla, salt and egg yolk.  Mix well until combined.  Add 1 1/3 cups of the all purpose flour and all of the bread flour to the bowl and beat until well blended.  Add the 5 tablespoons of butter.  At this point, sometimes the mixing gets tricky.  The warm butter causes the dough ball to slip around in the bowl and sometimes it is difficult to incorporate it into the dough.  You might have to use your hands...yes, buttery, messy, flour covered hands.  I have found that adding in the last 1/3 cup of all purpose flour at this point actually helps to incorporate the butter.  After you have most of the butter mixed in, turn the dough out onto a well floured surface and knead for 8 minutes adding more flour, a tablespoon at a time, to keep it from sticking to you and your surface.  This dough is very soft and sticky.

2.  Place dough in a large bowl coated with cooking spray and turn it to coat all sides with cooking spray.  Cover with plastic wrap and let rise in a warm place for 90 minutes.  The dough will nearly double in size.

3.  Line the bottom of a 9x5 inch loaf pan with a piece of parchment cut to fit the size of the bottom of the pan.  Coat the sides of the pan with cooking spray.

4.  Prepare the filling by combining 1/2 cup sugar, cocoa, cinnamon, salt and chips in a small bowl.

5.  When dough has risen, turn it out onto a well floured surface.  Roll it into a square about 16 inches on a side.  A rolling pin works best here, but I stretched it and pulled it into a square by hand once when I couldn't find my rolling pin.  Sprinkle the filling over the flattened dough leaving a 1/2 inch of space around the edge.  Roll it up as tightly as you can, pinch the ends and fold them over to prevent the filling from spilling out.  Gripping the dough roll with both hands, twist it 4 times like you're wringing out a towel.  Fit it into the prepared pan.  It will be too long, so just bend it into an 's' shape and stuff it in there.  Cover with plastic wrap and let rise again, in a warm place for 45 minutes.  It will double in size again.

   

6.  Preheat oven to 350 degrees.

7.  Combine the powdered sugar, flour and butter to make the streusel.  Use a fork to press it together, mixing until it gets crumbly.  Sprinkle it all over the top of the dough.  It's fine if some slips down into the side of the pan.  Bake for 40 minutes.  Cool bread in the pan for 10 minutes.  Remove to a wire rack and cool further.  Do not attempt to slice the bread when it first comes out of the oven or the pan.  It is a hot melty mess and you won't get anything even resembling a slice.  Hold off on slicing it as long as possible.

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I Suck at Blowing

Take it out.  Turn it on.   And get to it...wrong!

It all seemed so simple.  From the very beginning I knew that size did matter and that the really big ones required a special skill set, but after much polling of friends and a bit of internet research, I figured I could handle it...wrong.

I had no idea there was a trick to it.  I'd seen it done countless times.  On TV.  In high definition no less!  Heck!  I'd even seen it done live several times.  It looked so easy.  Take it out.  Turn it on.  And get to it...wrong again.

One of my first mistakes was not holding it correctly.  I was trying to grasp the bag with one hand and hold onto it with my other hand.  It was wildly jerking in every direction.  At one point, I almost dropped it.  What I quickly figured out was that the best way to position it just the way you want, was to firmly grip it with both hands and to never let go until you are absolutely positive that it is no longer turned on.  Absolutely positive.

I also had no idea that you had to pay attention to which direction you were facing.  I was unaware that if you didn't watch yourself you might get nailed in the face by flying debris.  There seemed to be a way to position myself behind the flow that gave me the best chance of avoiding being hit by the airborne bits.  In most situations I am NOT a fan of safety glasses...I think they decrease the coolness factor of just about any activity where they might increase safety.  However...in this case...I would highly recommend you go with the goggles.  I got pink ones...ya know...coolness factor and all.

I have no doubt that continued practice will improve my skills.  I may even ask around for tips on how I might learn to blow better...

Maybe next Fall I can learn how to suck.