The sentiment just whispered itself in my head when my eyes opened this morning feeling clear and well rested despite the fact that I didn't fall asleep until after 1am this morning.
I'm not really into New Year's Resolutions (I prefer to set the bar nice and low so I can celebrate every time I manage to clear it without falling on my face) but this morning I feel strangely resolved. I've started and stopped 3 Facebook posts and written a draft of a different blog post I'm going to save for another time because I'm overwhelmed with this need to tell you about something I discovered in the final 128 days of 2018.
Many of you know that I set myself to the challenge of completely abstaining from alcohol for 90 days with the goal of examining the role it was playing in my life. To be clear...it was never my goal to give up drinking forever (and the mere fact that I feel like I need to clarify that point probably needs further exploration) but rather to ask the questions, look carefully at the habits, and determine if alcohol was the fun loving companion I believed it to be.
I learned a lot about myself in those 90 days and the following weeks. I'm planning to share a whole lot of that with you as I get more comfortable with honesty and vulnerability. But that's not what this post is about.
This one is about the fact that there are hundreds...thousands of WOMEN out there that are quietly struggling. And I had no idea.
No. Fucking. Idea.
I literally thought I was the only person who ever laid awake at 3am and Googled How to tell if you have a drinking problem and felt the overwhelming relief when my score came out barely on the low end of 'You might have a problem with alcohol'. I was isolated by the fact that I didn't have a problem (according to my very scientific research) and I was afraid to label myself so I floundered along. Alone.
I just want you to know you're not alone. And if you simply want to have a conversation about this stuff, there is a huge community out there that will open their arms and hold you up while you wrestle with hard stuff. No labels, no judgement, no counting days and no reset requirements. No need to place yourself on a spectrum, promise new life decisions or make resolutions that last all year. I have found some amazing resources that I'm happy to point you towards, but I'm also here. Reach out. I wish I had. I was alone in a room full of people for too long.
...happy new year
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