Friday, September 24, 2010

Buckle Up.

I don't know if I'm apologizing explaining this to you or to myself.   Maybe both.

I can appreciate how sometimes when you read what I've left here you might feel like you need to wear a seat belt as I crash from spiritual re-construction to ranting about to grocery store distractions to professing my love for engineered produce to poems written by 12th century mystics...well.  There it is.  Lately I feel like I need to wear a seat belt to keep me safe from me.

I can't put my thoughts on a schedule.  I can't always write about what's going on inside my head.  I can't always write exactly what's true.

I can choose to be inspired by what's on my mind, even if it ultimately results in a piece of writing that's slightly embellished. 

I can choose to write about what I'm seeing.  When I see this you get that.  When I feel this you get that.

Don't call me and ask me if everything is "okay"...no wait, do that, but not in response to something you read on my blog about a life crisis or a difficult parenting day.  TheMiddleBit is where I write stuff.  TheMiddleBit is not me.  I cannot be the only blogger who feels weird talking out loud about the content of their blog?  maybe...sigh

Back to who I'm explaining all of this to.  I think it's me.  Not you.  Because you're free to go somewhere else and read.  But I'm here.  In my head.  And I'm learning how to be here.  Here.  I'm not going anywhere else to think.  And be.

Now I'm ranting a bit like an impetuous child, but there it is.  Buckle up.  Know that what you read here is not always exactly what you'd see if you looked into my life.  Know that even if it's not all exactly true, it's always honest.  Honest.  I started writing here more than a year ago because I started to be full of things to say about what was going on in my life.  There are all sorts of things going on in my life.  Some of them are funny.  Lots of them are funny actually.  Some are maddening.  A few things recently have been quite scary. 

Tears keep falling out of my eyes lately but I don't think it's because I'm sad.  I think it's because I'm so full that something needs to spill over. 

Tears quietly.  Privately. 

Words here.  Publicly.  Spill over.  My words are bit more edited than tears but just as spontaneous, I assure you.  A wise person gave me some advice in the early days of this blog,  "Give yourself a time limit for writing your posts.  Don't let the writing become you.  Let it stay about you."

Yeah.  I'm certain now that this post was for me.  And as soon as get over the audacity that I seem to have in putting this out there, I'll go back to re-writing Mother Goose, posting soup recipes, falling literally in love with coffee and apples, reeling from the wisdom I see in the tiny moments I have with my precious girls, and being more present in my life than I have ever been before.  You may find that presence here.  In the Middle Bit.  That seeing and believing.  From time to time.  I'm seeing things these days.  I'm seeing me these days.

 And I like what I'm seeing.

And that's the truth.

Honest.

2 comments:

  1. I know exactly what you mean. It's tough to explain, isn't it?

    ReplyDelete