Wednesday, November 23, 2011

Status Check

The status check.  Before the big day.  The main event.

How are you doing?

I'm here.  In the moment.  And it makes such a difference.  Monday I was ticked because my brand new car had to spend a day in the shop and I lost hours waiting for them to decide how to handle it.  As I sat in that dealership with my little ones, who had been playing for nearly two hours with some broken crayons and a puzzle that was missing a bunch of pieces, I was thinking about all of the things I wasn't able to do in preparation for my company, my Thanksgiving, my to-do list for that day.  In other words, my head was not really there and my anger was building.  And this nice little old lady rounded the corner and snapped me right back.  Right back to the moment.  "My your little girls are being so patient.  This is a long wait for them.  Nice job ladies.  Good work Mom."  Whoa.  Thanks.  You're right.  Here isn't so bad when you see the success of now instead of the potential failures of later. 

So we jumped into our teeny rental and sped off down the road.  The afternoon deteriorated after that.  Destroyed completely by stuff that's really not worth mentioning, I found myself with three girls squished into the back of this wee little vehicle on the way to dancing school.  I cried all the way there because I was rehashing the failed events of the previous 40 minutes.  And then, my absolute favorite Christmas song came onto the radio and snapped me right back.  Right back to the moment.  The girls sang along in their tiny voices and I noticed that traffic lights are very Christmassy and look especially sparkly through wet eyes.  Whoa.  Fun.  It's going to be alright.  Here isn't so bad when you see the success of now instead of the failures of the past hour.

Fast forward a couple of days.  I'm rocking on the to-do list.  The Father and the girls are packed off, headed to the airport to pick up the company, buy some back up gravy at Trader Joe's (just in case), get the knives sharpened.  And I, am going to the salon to get polished for the season, to have some calm before the storm, maybe a glass of pinot at noon and the phone rings.  Canceled.  F*&K!  We'll get you in this weekend.  I'm so sorry.  Things happen.  I get it.  And you know what else I get?  My two hours back that I lost on Monday.  And some time to myself to turn the music up too loud while I play in the kitchen...and that glass of pinot at noon.

It's not supposed to be easy.  And once you get that, really get that, it gets easier.  Events have effects and behaviors have consequences and this is not a lecture about what you are supposed to be doing.  Or thinking.  It's just my status check.

When I spend too much time just trying to get through it, it's gone and I've missed it.  When it's awful, I just want it to be over and when it's good I want it to last forever.  But you don't always get to pick which kind of moment you're in.  You have to commit to being in all of them.  I'm trying to do that.  So I won't miss all the stuff that's here.  The crap stuff I can learn from and try not to repeat...and the patient children and the red and green traffic lights and taking the time to make pie.

Status check?  Good. 

1 comment:

  1. Oh, wow.
    Now my makeup is gonna run.
    This is DEFINITELY in your next book.
    AND the one you should read when you're interviewed by Terri Gross on Fresh Air.