An Open Letter to Starbucks
I love coffee. I love good coffee. I love your coffee. I'd like to personally thank you, Oh Wise Executives of Starbucks, for making your deal with the devil (Costco) so we plebeians can afford to buy the perfectly toasted fruits of your bush in bulk at a reasonable price. My darling husband does a wonderful job of brewing your beans in our humble kitchen each morning and this makes me love him more because #1-he knows I like Starbucks and #2-he does all the work. However, he travels alot (read-he is not here to measure the beans, load the water, grind the beans to the perfect consistency, and program the timer so my coffee is ready to greet me on mornings when I am solo.) Yes, I realize that an experienced cook with advanced degrees in everything from English to Mothering ought to be able to figure out how to make her own coffee...not the point.
When he's gone, I'd love nothing more than to roll out of bed in my jammies, throw a granola bar at each of my three small children, as they climb into their carseats and swing by the drive thru, drawing ever nearer to the dark mother whose lift giving caffeine makes my morning so much more pleasant...but you don't brew it in my town! Problem! Here in The Middle, my neighbors are in love with another dark roasted bean pushing establishment named after a large forest mammal with furry antlers...but I'm not convinced.
So, finding myself waking up alone and un-caffeinated many mornings over the last few months I started drinking tea, the logic being, any idiot (me) can boil water and drop in a tea bag. Not the same. Then I got the crazy idea that I would brew my own pot of Pike's Place...what a waste, I should have just scooped the whole beans right into the garbage can because the coffee I made was undrinkable sewage. Then I started to take stock of my dependence on caffeine and decided that being enslaved to an unattainable and costly beverage was setting me up for daily disappointment, so I should wean myself off of it and begin a regimen of pure hydration and drink water in the morning...yeah, that lasted about 14 minutes.
Then, last week my darling husband, seeing my downward spiral, arrived home with what just might be the most brilliant revamp of what was formerly a highly disgusting and essentially non-potable beverage option...instant coffee. As he slipped the tiny tube of powdered treasure into my withdrawal induced shaking little hand he told me with a whisper of good things to come and and air of mystery, "It's called Via. It means the way. Just add hot water." Could this be true? A powdered form of a mood altering substance that is readily available, easy to prepare (even without a husband at home) and legal? He leaned in again, hands still warm from gripping his coffee cup, took me in his arms and breathed another miracle into my ear, "And, they sell it at Costco." I peed a little.
I'd like to thank you Starbucks, from the bottom of my heart. I'd like to thank you Starbucks, on behalf of my children, who know from experience, that caffeine makes me a better mother. If Via is the way to go, then I think I have finally found my way.
Highly Caffeinatedly Yours,
****Do not read this as an endorsement for a particular product but more as a resounding declaration of the importance of having people around you who know what you need and who love you enough to figure out how to get it. What do you need? Who have you told?****
LOL. By the way, I sent a link to this to my friend who works at Starbucks headquarters in Seattle. I think he's going to love it!ReplyDelete
This is hilarious! I think I need some of that.ReplyDelete
My solution to being dependent on coffee, which I am way too lazy to brew with proper care, was the Keurig one cup thingee. Heaven! Newman's Own has a lovely dark roast, and that 'other' chain makes K-cups too. Now, even I, am adept at brewing coffee...as long as I do it one cup at a time. Via hadn't come out yet when my baby was born a whopping 10 months after her sister and caffeine was all that was keeping me alive. BUT...they do sell mine at Costco too, or else I would never have found it. :)ReplyDelete
I unabashedly proclaim my love for you, while rubbing in the fact that here in the'burg we have three (count them, three) Starbucks establishments!ReplyDelete