Thursday, December 10, 2009

Diamonds Aren't the Only Gem a Mother Can Use

Are you in need of some "bling" this holiday season?  Here a couple of pearls of wisdom no mother should live without.

If you ever discover that your child has inserted a small object (marble, pea, raisin, Polly Pocket purse, pebble, etc.) into any part of their body that you are brave enough to attempt retrieval from...check every orifice on that child and every orifice in the room on any other child.

If you ever find yourself some time to take a hot bath (forget the candles and the book, that won't be happening any time soon) and you think you're saving yourself time by leaving the rubber ducks and the naked Barbies in the tub...take them out!  It doesn't take that much time to put them away and I guarantee you will be bothered by the bobbing quackers and the plastic women whose thighs are smaller than yours.

Bring it!  Even if you're sure you won't need it!  When that little voice inside your head suggests something...listen to it!  Bring the extra diaper, the granola bar, the stroller, the extra undies (for everyone), the Bed Bath and Beyond coupon, the kotex, the umbrella, the plastic potty, the quarters for goat food at the zoo.  Just bring it and roll your eyes when someone has the audacity to tell you that you've brought too much stuff.

If you ever get the notion to clean the glass on the sliding door...clean the outside first.  If you don't, and you think you're saving time by starting on the inside, then by the time you get to the outside, your squeaking and rubbing will likely have attracted enough attention from little people who will want to press their jelly coated fingers and snotty noses against the newly cleaned glass to see what you're doing outside and all of your initial efforts will have been literally wiped away and you'll have to do it over anyway.  Start outside.

When the toy catalogs begin coming in the mail or the weekly flyers fall out of the Sunday newspaper resist the temptation to hand them over to your children.  Yes, it will buy you a few minutes of peace.  Yes, they will beg you for the chance to look through them and tell you what they really want.  Resist.  Even in the name of literacy.  The ToyRUs flyer is not a book.  The American Girl catalog is not a book.  Resist.  Then recycle.

If you want to like what you see when you look at your children...then watch yourself.  Your children will do what you do and they will say what you say.  But they will never.  Never.  Do what you say.  If you are how you want them to be, then you will like what you see.

Some gems of motherhood are like heirlooms that get passed down to you, others have always truly been owned by you, a few are borrowed from friends when you really need them.  Have you got another gem to add to my treasure?

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